and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
