the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
