she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
