i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
