I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
