Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Drunk is a universal language darling
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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