Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
