Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
