I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
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