Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
