8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
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Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
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tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Then again, he has huge mansions.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides