So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.