Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
