the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!