you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
