when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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