What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
