xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i love accidental penises.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
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