so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
