...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
