If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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