theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
