My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
