There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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