"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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