I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
