I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
