You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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