pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
