I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
