he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
