I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
