You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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