I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
