Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
