My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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