I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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