Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
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