mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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