so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
