I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
