There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
