Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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