Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
