I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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