Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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