Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
