Sry I called you an 8
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
