I wish I could teleport
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
