Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
