Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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