i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
