Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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