just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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