If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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