I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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