His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
