I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
