listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Can you bring me the toilet please
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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