she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
