just tell him i said nine months
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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