The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
