she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
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