she smelled like a LAN party
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
