I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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