i think i have herpe
just one?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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