Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i think i have two assholes
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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