the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
