We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
