you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
