Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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