that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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