connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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