Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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