But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
