I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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