you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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