exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
